This blog is entitled "This Kid, His World." I've had the good fortune to be close enough with some of my friends to allow them to talk with me about particular issues, most notably with the most important rite of passage in Western civilization, dating. I've noticed some flaws with the perceptions of men amongst the females and I'm going to attempt to voice the opinion of a male looking at a situation and understanding the processing behind it. Try to follow me, I'll be as brief as I can! Just remember, if I didn't feel it was worth posting, I wouldn't post it! :)
There are two main differences in guys and how they interact with women. One lies in their emotional maturity, and the other lies in their personality type. Social and technological influences also play into it, try to follow along.
Emotional maturity is, like most forms of maturity, a process that requires time and particular experiences to define particular emotions and familiarize oneself with them. It is a relatively well-known fact that girls mature faster than guys do. For instance, an 18 year old girl might have the maturity of what a 19 or 20 year old guy can have. We've all had that class where the teacher is going on and on about a particular topic, only to realize that the subject being covered is way over your head. Sometimes talking to a girlfriend with a greater emotional capacity means entering a realm that girls have explored, or at least are ready to explore, while guys are not quite there yet. It is often in this exploration that an emotional maturation occurs, but this doesn't mean that being forced to step up your emotional game because you can't keep up with your girlfriend is any fun.
This is partly what gives/has given rise to the well-known groan of all guys, talking about feelings. For most guys, being forced to go deep down inside of yourself and discuss what you find there is not just unpleasant, but it just plain sucks. Words don't come easy, it's hard trying to understand feelings, you might be called awkward (of which you're painfully aware. Ladies, patience, soul-searching is never easy and takes time, time that means you might have to wait for an awkward pause to pass. Or, better yet, tell him you want to talk to him in a few hours, this will give him time to mull over what you said and make it mesh with what he feels. But please please
please never call us awkward. The phone is hard, and we're way too aware of that, no need to underline a fault of ours. But I digress.)
A key part of emotional maturity means an understanding of symbolic gestures. Consider it for a second. How physical is a hug and a kiss? The two things you guys shovel food into all day, locked together? It's awkward that way.... So where does kissing get it's power? Emotions. The emotional symbolism of a kiss is one of the most basic expressions of love in the Western civilization. Consider that for a sec. Awesome, right?
But as we discussed above, the emotional maturity of guys can often be considerably lower than girls. For guys, kissing may initially mean nothing more than a prelude to more... But girls like kissing as something more, as a reassurance of one's love and fidelity. Kisses make them feel good about you, and about your relationship. They can be overdone, but most guys don't usually hafta worry about that if they can wrap their head around the emotional bit.
The second piece of the emotional equation lies not just in their maturity level, but also in their personality type. I don't know how popular it is, but in high school we took the "True Colors" personality test, and I'll try to get something up about it, but the simple fact is that not just guys, but everyone functions differently. For some, there are people who are very good with emotions, working with people, etc. These are called "Blue." More analytic, scientific types are called "Green". "Gold" are known for their high respect for authority and the rules. Finally an "Orange" has the highest amount of energy and smallest attention span.
In our respect, the biggest clash lies in Blue and Green. Experience and the current state of affairs tells us two things: girls are typically more likely to be Blue than Green, while guys are the opposite: more like to be Green than Blue. Looking at it that, a more emotionally-active female Blue up against a scientific, analytical Green. It's not that being Green means being socially deficient, it simply means that Greens function differently, and that they see the world differently than Blues do.
So now, ladies, not only am I telling you that your man may be less emotionally mature than you are, but I'm also telling you that his brain processes the world through a different lens than you do. Tough news, I know, but this is designed to help you get inside a guy's head.
I would like to address this next part to every hopeless romantic out there, already worrying about never finding "Mr. Right" at the age of 20. The next time you feel yourself only staying with your boyfriend for fear that he's "the best I'll ever have" listen up. Think of the first kid who ever told you that he loved you, you probably remember his name, underneath the jungle-gym at recess one day. Maybe he gave you a peck on the cheek, or a dandelion.
Is kindergarten love and 8th grade love the same? How about 8th grade and senior year in high school? Or senior year of high school and freshman year at college, which is a period of huge emotional maturity? Now consider what not only 4 years of college can do, but what a year or two of real life can do. Huge emotional maturation as one becomes an adult. Now, does the love you felt with your boyfriend, is that going to be the same love you feel in another 4 or 6 years? Probably not, unless you're already very emotionally advanced, or if you stay stunted. You haven't met Mr. Right yet because
you're not ready for him. Just think about that the next time fear keeps you trapped.
So, in conclusion, girlfriends, or girls in general for that matter, should always take into consideration the emotional capacity of their boyfriends. Some boys are naturally just more emotional than others, and that's fine, just make sure you account for it. Don't expect too much, because that just means that you end up being disappointed in the end. Just go with the flow. Have fun. Enjoy.
(P.S. thanks to everybody who helped me with this. You know who y'all are.)
